Dry Spell

I'm going through a dry spell. I blame it on court. It sucked the life out of my brain and has caused me to become obsessive about "my" felon. I've been second guessing my decision. I've been feeling as if I didn't fight hard enough for second degree over first degree.... I've prison searched the guy for Pete's sake! Yeah, you read that right. I've seen his entire record, mug shot and all. And not just once. Oh no. That's just for the mildly insane. For the ridiculously insane people, we check it every so often in case it's been updated. A new mug shot was uploade two days ago. Before that there was another one. Before that there was none and he wasn't listed as "in custody." His charges still don't show up, nor does his "release date" - despite the fact that there is no release date due to his sentence w/o parole.

I now find myself using the term, "I fear a jury would see it the same way" in conversations where that is appropriate. However, I really do take heart to the jury now. Even the hypothetical ones.

AHHH!!! Somebody make it stop! I don't even use the term "somebody" - see how messed up I am?! Ooooh that court system. If you've never served before, they continue to repeat (over and over and over, haha) what an honor it is to be serving civil duty. And how we are upholding our duty as free citizens. Seriously? Have they ever served? Do they have any idea what it's like? Maybe I'm bitter because my case wasn't something petty. Regardless. Unless they've had a person's life at stake they have no idea.

And of course then I think - what if the death penalty was a sentence option. I believe that had the victim been tortured then the crime would have fit the qualifications for capital punishment, but because that did not happen first degree murder was the most severe that he could be charged. And the hardest part of it all is that you can't base your decision on the sentence because according to the law, you have to decide, as a jury, if the crime is aligned with the law and if so then that is your decision. It's cut and dry yet grey all around. I know that makes no sense whatsoever.

My point is: I have nothing on my mind other than court (yeah, still) and I don't know how to get over it. Maybe next week I'll be better. And I'll try to post again today about something else. Oh! Actually, I have a thought already. It's about Ethiopia! First I have to catch up on emails and finish going through the almost 400 blog posts in my reader.