How would you change?

Bible Study started back last week.  This time we are doing Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed (Prisilla Shirer, Beth Moore, Kay Arthur).  Wow - I'm loving it.  The first week has been okay but today I was listening to the second audio session by Pricilla Shirer and had to share her opening...

She talked about how she was at a fitness boot camp with her friend.  You know the kind with the Army guy who comes and does all the drills and such... so they were doing push-ups or something like that and her friend had her eyes closed and was really struggling and had NO idea that the Army guy in charge was right there standing by them watching and Pricilla said she was trying to give her friend cues so she'd know she needed to perk up and stop the struggle and silent complaining... isn't it funny how different we are when the teacher or trainer is watching RIGHT there?!  So she then says...

How would your day change if you knew GOD was right there?

Um, excuse me while I gather myself... yikes.  How convicting is that?!  Definitely something to think about.  He is there.  He is watching. 

2 Chronicles 16:9
For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

How would your day change?  I know mine would, and will with that verse in mind.  I will be more patient, more aware, more open...

I have a feeling this study is going to be a good one!

My new favorite reference book

I got this AWESOME book from Thomas Nelson a couple weeks ago and cannot put it down! I realize this is self-proclaimed nerdom since it's a reference book, but it is sooo good! It should be noted that I'm a complete Bible reading novice though - so everything in this book is helpful to me. There is an overview in the beginning of the book and then it is divided into 'chapters' by the Books. This arrived in the mail as I was finishing Job as part of my one-year chronological Bible reading plan, so I immediately read the chapter about Job. I couldn't have imagined a more helpful book. Since I am reading chronologically, I have a lot of questions about the timeline of things. My Bible is an NIV study Bible and I LOVE that it has some commentary at the bottom of the pages, but that still leaves a lot to figure out for Bible-dummy me and I love, love, love how this book takes over and pulls things together.

I'd previously been reading What the Bible is All About by Henrietta Mears and I thought THAT was my ticket but this book is even better! It's also more up-to-date in terms of things recent scholars have said, etc... so it's nice to read with some modern snippets.

Not all chapters have maps included, but there are all sorts of charts and timelines - including lineages! I have learned even more with this book and I think anyone who has a true interest in studying the Bible would enjoy it.

2009 Reflection

(from Christmas, 2009)

What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

-It's a tie between all things Bible study and getting engaged.

What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

-I decided that this was the year I would get serious about debt

What was an unexpected joy this past year?

-Meeting some of the most genuine and amazing friends

Pick three words that describe 2009.

-Growth, Nurture, Dedicate

What were the best books you read this year?

-I posted a few earlier this week, but didn't include them all; The Shack, Same Kind of Different As Me, Crazy Love (hands down a life changing book for me), The Heart of Christianity, Food Pets Die For. Each of these has truly helped shape who I am, from sorting out my faith to understanding food. I read another book about pet food but don't remember the name of it so it didn't make the list - after reading about what goes into pet foods, I changed Nola to Honest Kitchen, a raw, dehydrated, human grade food, and never looked back! (She still actually eats Wellness in the morning.).

With whom were your most valuable relationships?

-Bible Study girls, Chandler, Sister

In what ways did you grow emotionally?

-I came to grips with growing up and started a private blog to journal my feelings about moving to Boston... we now know, it will be Virginia - a much easier transition.

In what ways did you grow spiritually?

-I joined an online Bible Study that I found out about via Compassion's blog, met some amazing women, and found exactly what I was looking for and more than I ever imagined. I started reading The Heart of Christianity and learned about faith in general, and I am almost finished reading the Bible, cover to cover.

In what ways did you grow physically?

-In what ways didn't I grow physically? I became the most out of shape I've been in years. I didn't gain weight, but it's still not good!

What was your single biggest time waster in your life in the past year?

-Facebook; I enjoy reconnecting with friends, but probably spent too much time reading status updates, etc...

What was the biggest thing you learned this year?

-I realized that my life truly is not my own and defined ME

In 2009, my word was dedication. I think I did okay. As always, there are some things I would change if I could go back, but overall I believe I accomplished what I'd hoped. Moving into 2010, I've chosen simplicity and contentment. I'm excited about all the changes that will be happening, but I think these two words will keep me grounded. Chandler's word for 2010 is birth. I laughed at him so he changed it to creation. Umm...it should be an interesting year! ;)

What's YOUR word for 2010?

Daniel

Don't you just love Beth Moore?? Our Bible study group did Breaking Free earlier this year and we followed up with Living Free. It was awesome! We are finishing Esther now and our next study will be.....

Daniel! I am SO excited! A lot of us have heard great things about this study and I can't wait! I didn't love Esther like most people so I'm going to do it again by myself and try and find more. I'm not sure what happened to me but I just couldn't dive in and 'get it' like many people. I've read a lot of reviews and Esther is a lot of people's favorite study... I want to love it too.

If you're up for joining us as we study Daniel, let me know! We have a wonderful group and many of us have become close friends!! We use an online format so you can contribute at your own pace. It's a great place for prayer and fellowship. Comment or email me and I'll forward your info to our group leader!

Insignificant

Prayer is part of my daily routine. I try to say quick prayers here and there during the day, and save my longer conversations for bedtime. I pass a church on my way to work each day, and for a while they had the following words on their sign near the road, "Just tell the Lord Thank You." I loved that sign. It was a daily reminder of gratitude and praise. The message was there for so long that I still find myself thinking of those words when I pass by in the mornings.

In the past year or so, I've noticed that I have a hard time asking God for things.

Why should God listen to my prayers?

My small, petty requests...
-to be without fear when I fly,
-to take away my anxiety before a big presentation,
-to help me get through planning a wedding, and a marriage...

I know that God tells us to talk to Him. To ask of Him.

I seem to have trouble with this. I have no problem asking Him to help others, but I feel selfish asking Him to help me.

Why are my requests worthy of His time... my silly fears I ask Him to calm when He has already told me that I should not worry... ?

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

My requests are so insignificant compared to those of others. How can I ask Him to help me be disciplined to save money for a wedding when mothers cannot afford to feed their children? How can I ask Him to protect me when I walk to my car at night when children are being raped, abused, and forced to see hell in their night?

I cannot help but be filled with guilt in my requests to Him. I pray for others, not knowing their names and I praise Him for the home that I have been blessed to live in, for the food that I take for granted, and for the opportunities and experiences I have lived to enjoy.

I know that there is a deeper meaning to this and perhaps it's part of my awakening in Him - His way, His gentle way, of reminding me of His presence. When I think He is too busy or has forgotten me, I know He is there.

I know He is there because I am safe and I have enough.

For that, I praise Him!

Note to self

Half of the year has come and gone... and as I approach the one year mark of blogging [again], I find myself reflecting on the purpose of my blog. It has sort of evolved from personal, deep, meaningful thoughts to every day fun and randomness (which is totally okay!).

Looking back, I want to try and maintain the purpose of this blog. For my own sake. That said, it's no secret that I've wrestled a bit with my faith over the past few years. I've always considered myself to be a "Christian," but until last year, when I really started to feel without, I really had no idea what being a Christian really meant. I've mentioned before (pardon that middle hiking-with-dogs post, not sure why that filtered in the search) that I was reading a book, Crazy Love. It has truly changed my life. Well, that and some help from Beth Moore (who doesn't love her?!). And then there were some special friends along the way...

All of this to remind myself of why I started this blog. And because it was going to lead into a journal entry I wrote that I find myself going back to - frequently - pondering. But I think I'll save that for another post.

Swamp Thing

Yep, that's me. In case you missed the video of Francis Chan outing me, catch it again here. I was reading through Bible study this past week catching up from the previous week, and Beth Moore had us reading about broken hearts. I'm not sure what my mind was thinking because I didn't really get much out of the topic. However, towards the end of the lesson, she wrote about change. Bingo.

'...the life of a Christian is never about sameness. It's always about change. That's why we must learn to survive and once again thrive...'

My revelation: I am a swamp.

Not just any swamp, a really gross one. Plastic bottles bob up and down, mosquitos swarm the surface, algae and thick mud line the top and bottom of the stagnant, standing water. There's probably some dead stuff in there somwhere. I'd say completely lifeless, but did you catch the part about algae and mosquitos? Lovely! Please, come and visit me!

I like routine. I like habit. But I like it because it's safe. I swear I should be a risk analyzer. I feel like the guy in Along Came Polly.

Now, picture this: A river. Flowing. Fish swim through the rocks and pebbles that line the bottom. Beautiful clear water rushing through the channel. Flowers in bloom on the banks. Birds chirping from trees that fill spaces in the green grass nearby.

Why am I afraid of this?! Clearly it is a much prettier picture. Wait, I know why. The rocks. Big ones, small ones, heavy ones, tiny ones. But the river is still flowing and it still has its beauty. Hmmm... teach me, river.

Change is like a river. It's flowing. It's healthy. My fear of change is keeping me from moving forward. For the past several years, nothing has changed. Sure, I've started a different job here or there, brought Nola into my life, been to places here and there... but everything has been safe. It's been comfortable. I can feel change breathing on me. I can feel change stirring in my heart and stirring around me every day. I'm slowly warming up to the idea of embracing it.

Where is God in Darfur?

For some reason, I've looked away when the news has highlighted Darfur. I know fully well what is going on there. At least, as much as one can know via the American and British media (CNN/BBC). But until seeing this video, I've never felt compelled to do something. Now, I find myself asking, where is God in Darfur? Surely He is there. This week in Bible study we had a segment that talked about how we sometimes have to experience the storm to feel God's presence. Surely that storm wouldn't have to be this...

Tomorrow, I will look into this more. How can we help Darfur? When I worked at the Red Cross I taught International Humanitarian Law, but I didn't do a lot with it. I saved all of my books and do use them from time to time. It's so complicated... government, IHL, criminal courts, ethnic groups... but surely there is something we can do?

Anyone know more? (Other than the George Clooney/Brad Pitt ads on TV...)

When God Speaks

This morning at work, I was talking to a friend and shared with her part of my weekend. I had debated writing about it here, mainly because I am just so grateful and humbled that I've had a hard time imagining how someone could be so kind and generous!

Ultimately, I feel that not sharing this story would be like not sharing a wonderful gift from God - and why wouldn't I want to share that?!

My Saturday started with a list of errands.

-Walmart

-Fabric store

-Post Office

-Dollar Store

-Ann Taylor (donate your old pants, get $15 off new pants, even sale ones!)

-Petsmart

I started with Petsmart, hit up the Dollar store, and headed to the post office. I don't check that box too often and there's usually a pile of circulars and other random pieces of mail. When I opened the box, I had a couple of regular envelopes, a small padded envelope, and a package pick-up notice. I tossed the circulars in the trash bin and walked out the door with the regular mail. When I got to my car I realized I still had the package pick-up notice in my hand. Classic "me" thing to do... I ran back in and handed it to the clerk, fully thinking that we'd gotten something from Uganda. When I saw the box though, it wasn't from Uganda at all. It was from Amazon.

My first thought was that the package pick-up slip had been placed in the wrong box (despite clearly having my Box# written across the front). Second thought was I didn't order anything... then, I immediately knew what it was. When I was looking for my Bible study workbook I'd found one on Amazon. I swear I cancelled that order! Err... they sent it anyway. Sigh. I told the clerk I didn't order that and cancelled the order... we cracked the box, thinking surely it would be sent back. But when we peered in, there was what appeared to be a big book. Wrapped. A present?

It was a perfect rectangle in smooth, blue paper, with a thick, white ribbon. The clerk encouraged me to open it. (We're still peeking into the brown box at this point...) Now, I have been browsing for a particular book for a week or two and this was the exact same shape as that book. I told the clerk I might have an idea of what it was. Again, she encouraged me to open it. I couldn't. I told her I would probably cry if it was what I thought it could be.

I walked out of the post office and hopped in the car. I stared at the brown box, then carefully took the gift and studied it for a minute, completely baffled. This has to be... I opened it. It was! Not only was it, but it was leather. It was beautiful. Someone sent me a Bible. And not just any Bible, a Bible that I have been looking at for a while thinking that I needed so that I could better understand what was going on in the scripture that often goes above my comprehension. Who would have done such a thing? The note was signed simply, in Easter code. ;) I stared at that Bible for the longest time, practically sobbing by now.

There is only a small group of people from whom this could have come -- I would have to do a little research! I immediately called my sister. Still sobbing, mind you... I was, and still am, so shocked (and so touched!) that someone would do such a thing! When I was in Walmart, I called D to tell him... and of course, started crying again. I did manage to keep things a little more controlled this time - I didn't want to completely lose it in Walmart!

When I got home, it's silly, but all I could think was, "Jesus loves me."

The thing is, my special friend (later I found out, friends!), is someone that has never met me face to face. This amazing gift was from a person that lived far, far away. And at that, someone that has only known me for a short period of time. How amazing is our God to bring such kind, caring, and generous people together?!

This Bible, my wonderful gift, came at a time in my life when I have been eagerly searching for God. I know He didn't leave me. But I need Him. Oddly enough, in Bible study this last week, hunger and thirst was discussed. We were to compare that with the feeling of hunger for God. What feeling is that? Oh, I can tell you. It's what I had in me until only recently. I joined Bible study at a time that couldn't have been more perfect. Now, mind you, I am a bit immature in my relationship with and knowledge of God, but I am learning. Dare I admit that I didn't even know it was "permissible" to write in a Bible!? I'm Episcopal we we don't really use the Bible as a book in church. We have a Lesson that is printed for us, but no one really brings a Bible. At least, I've never seen anyone with one. Except the big one that stays at the front of the church (and has no marks in it, by the way!). I love being Episcopal! I was born and raised that way. But... my church doesn't really have a lot for people like me, i.e. young, single, professional. The only groups at church are for couples, older people, or moms. I am none of those. Well, Nola might argue but... let's be frank.

I even went so far as to look into going to other churches. But a little part of me felt like I was "cheating" on my own church. That's another post though...

This Bible, this new, beautiful, gorgeous Bible means SO much to me -- it is from two beautiful, kind, caring, generous people who have humbled me and have inspired me. Each and every time I look at or open this Bible, I will be reminded of those two special people. Inside, I taped the card that accompanied my Bible. I saved the ribbon that had been tied around that smooth, blue paper, and cut it into two pieces making it into a bookmark that will forever stay in my Bible.

There is another ribbon. The one that serves as a page marker in all Bibles. The ribbon in my Bible just happened to be placed in the book of Ezekiel. I decided to read those pages... on the left hand page was the middle and end of chapter 36. So I started reading chapter 37, on the right hand page.

How much more loudly could God speak?!

Ezekiel 37: 1-6

The hand of the Lord was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "O Soverign Lord, you alone know."

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendones to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin, I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.'"

Now, if this isn't God speaking then I really have a lot to learn... but I'm pretty sure He knew exactly what He was doing when He marked this page.

Because my Bible is the amazing study Bible that it is... I am able to read further into this scripture.

"The dry bones represented the people's spiritually dead condition. Your church may seem like a heap of dry bones to you, spiritually dead with no hope of vitality. But just as God promised to restore his nation, he can restore any church, no matter how dry or dead it may be. Rather than give up, pray for renewal, for God can restore it to life. The hope and prayer of every church should be that God will put his Spirit into it..."

I'm not saying that I was "spiritually dead" nor do I think that my church is "spiritually dead," but this Bible has arrived at a time when I needed rejuvenation in my personal relationship with God. I need personal renewal from church - from God.

How great is He to show these words to me? And how great is He to bless me with friends who care so much about me and my spiritual growth with God? I can only hope that one day, I too, will be able to help lead someone closer to God in the way the my kind, remarkable friends have done for me.

On Sunday, I had to work my second job for a few hours, and I found myself wanting to take my Bible with me - fully knowing I would have no time whatsoever to read it! Today, I took it to work with me. I didn't have time to read it, but I did take it out to look at it! My Bible makes me excited to read God's word and eager to learn more about Him! It also reminds me of His love for me through the most wonderfully, incredible friends!

Part of me is still boggled, speechless, overwhelmed, and just amazed that someone would do such a thing for me ... but I know that He is bigger than what I can perceive.

I am blessed, truly blessed, to have such amazing friends. Thank you.