Frosty day!

This was my commute home today... I anticipated leaving when the snow started, but apparently no one mentioned BLIZZARD and in just an hour, this is what the interstate looked like.  Yuck.  What normally takes me 20-30 minutes took about an hour and everyone was going 20mph.  Once on secondary roads I pulled over twice to let men in SUVs pass me because they were following a little too close for comfort. Overall though, everyone was -thankfully- very cautious.  I did see three emergency vehicles with lights flashing, two cars in ditches, and one wreck.  Not fun at all!  Chandler got home around noon and we've enjoyed the fireplace, naps, sewing, and cleaning!

Someone LOVES the snow... as soon as I told her it snowed she started running around whining until I could get my coat and shoes on to take her out.  If her paws weren't so sensitive we would have stayed out longer.

Does this count as baby boy's first second snow?

I swear I'm bigger today than I was on Monday when I last took the infamous belly shot.

There's MORE snow coming on Saturday night and potentially on Tuesday.  I've had ENOUGH of this!  We have fun weekend plans I will not be a happy camper to have to change plans.  We're hoping the roads will clear up... I'm such a wuss driving in inclement weather and now that bino is in tow, I'm even more cautious... come on SUN!

Whirlwind

The last week has been a complete whirlwind.

@ Work: DHHS (Dept. of Health & Human Services) sent letters out with statements like "the state budget situation... daunting budgetary outlook... reductions come just prior to the end of X partnership with X... bad fiscal news... limited available funding..."

@ Chandler: offer on his condo, accept offer, close on 28th... phone call on 23rd saying party cannot buy, appt made with atty the same day, $500 spent... 26th, deal still off. 26th, deal back on... closing was 28th - finally. It happened.

WHIRLWIND

Chan [finally] starts his VA job on the 23rd of November! We are TOTALLY psyched!!! After sleeping on cardboard for a while in between when the movers brought ALL of his things to NC and when he closed on his place and now hotel hopping - he's ready to not be homeless! Can't say I blame him. We've been in heavy discussion about our options. On the one hand, he is ready for a new home. A bed. A place to park his car. On the other hand, we don't know anything about the area with regard to residential living. We don't want to rush into a decision because we have to; we're hoping to wait a little while and learn more about where we want to be. There are SO many things to consider.... it's overwhelming.

My thoughts are everywhere.

Anyone have relocation advice? Tips?

Current game plan is for him to find a cheap apartment or long stay suite for a month or two... I'm planning to drive up on weekends so we can get comfortable and familiar with places and start meeting people (???). Hopefully by January we'll be able to narrow it down and really start looking for a house.

Day in the life... (long)

I came across a post today from Angie's blog, Bring the Rain. Typically, I'd link the page directly, but this post deserves to be read by the non-link-clickers. Please, try and read it in its entirety. It was especially meaningful for me today...

I'm sure I've posted somewhere on my blog that I work in public health - specifically communicable disease, which means I am directly involved in HIV education, awareness, outreach, and testing. Part of what I do involves providing rapid tests to people in the community who desire to know their status. Today, I had to tell someone their test indicated they were positive. This person did not have a questionable exposure and gets tested routinely. It was a hard blow. Emotional. This is the least fun part of my job. Hearing those words today, changed his life. Each time I have to tell someone their test is positive, it changes mine. It never gets easier and I am always affected.

So today, when I read the following post, "Blink," it affected me deeper than I expected. Knowing that my words today changed someone's life, that I didn't have a choice in speaking them aloud, and with all my heart, did not want to say them....

This message is simple but profound at the same time.

**Note: Audrey is the author's fourth child, who died shortly after birth, her full story can be read at the blog referenced above, Bring the Rain.

"Blink"
~This post was written in pieces over the past few days. It was really emotional for me, and I could not do it all at once. The Lord beckoned me back to it until it was finished, and I am so glad He did...it was good for my soul to be near Him in these moments...thank you, Lord.

Several weeks ago, I received an email from a woman who is a photographer, and she wanted to let me know that she had decided to do an "auction" in honor of Audrey. The top bidder would receive a session with her. I was so honored, and I immediately went to her website to check out her work. I have a life-long love for photography, and I am a little bit (ok, a lot) picky about what I like. Well, let me say this. I loved her work. I sat for at least a half an hour, oohing and aahing at each shot, just to jump to the next and start it all over again. I decided that my favorite was a beautiful image of a little girl blowing a dandelion, and you can see all of the little fuzzies as they float away from her. That's it, I thought. She captured life. More on this a little later... I have a Bible Study on Tuesday mornings with an amazing woman of God (Ms. Nancy Dunn at Forest Hills Baptist Church here in Nashville...9:30 a.m. if you are local and want to join us!). Every time I am there, in the presence of other women of God, I come away refreshed and encouraged, and yesterday was no exception. On the way out of church, Kate had run into the grass by the car while Abby and Ellie were buckling themselves in, and I turned to Kate and told her to run to me and I would pick her up. Her eyes lit up and she took off full-force toward my open arms. I lifted her way above my head and kissed her sweet cheeks on the way down. As I put her into her car seat, Ellie said to me, "Know what, mommy? I really wish I had a camera, because that was a beautiful picture you just made." It caught me off guard, because I didn't even realize she could see me from where she was sitting. "You think so, honey? Well let's just blink our eyes and keep that one in our heads, then." I smiled at my 3 sweet daughters, and then Ellie and I looked at each other and blinked our eyes...another moment captured and held as a precious memory. On the way home, I was thinking about what she said and I realized that I see the world in photographs. I love to take pictures, and I suppose my mind has incorporated a little camera that allows me to freeze moments and store them away. Last week I was driving to the pool, and to get there I have to pass under these amazing trees that make a canopy over the road, only allowing bits and pieces of light to pass through. It was beautiful.

Blink.

I thought about the way it was when I saw Audrey for the first time, red hair and those sweet rosebud lips. No crying, but there was breath in her, there was life to be lived... I am so glad to meet you, sweet girl...stay with me for awhile...

Blink.

After a hard day of school as a teenager, my dad took me out in his old-fashioned convertible to talk and make sure I was okay. We drove to this field in the middle of nowhere that he had found a few weeks earlier. It was amazing, because as soon as the lights went off in the car, what seemed like millions of fireflies danced around us. I was completely mesmerized, and as the hot September night soaked into our skin, we watched them light up the night, and I felt like God spoke to me. It is one of the earliest recollections I have of feeling His presence, and to this day, whenever I see fireflies, I remember the way the old leather seats smelled when my father loved me enough to show me that life is beautiful even when it hurts.

Blink.

Me, in a veil I had dreamed of wearing my entire life, and a church full of people who were celebrating the way we loved each other. I was so nervous because I was sure I would trip and fall, but then the huge wooden doors swung open and I saw him, and I wanted to run to the end of the aisle.

Blink.

"It is very possible that your daughters will not survive. Now is the time to start praying."

Blink.

"4 pounds, 11 ounces, and the other is 3 pounds, 11 ounces! They are here and they are healthy!"

Blink.

Kate recites her Bible verse from yesterday (A soft answer turns away wrath...thank you, Ms. Nancy's class ladies!!!) as "A soft answer turns away the rats." I spit my coke out all over the car and tell her she is brilliant and that I love her for being exactly who she is. This morning, she was acting up and using a less than desirable tone with her sister, and I asked her if she remembered the scripture I had taught her yesterday. She nodded yes. I asked her to say it to me. She replied, "I think the Bible says I am going to time out." This time it was coffee.

Blink.

Abby, in the backseat of the car, eyes closed and hands in the air, worshiping with the music as she has seen me do a thousand times before.

Blink.

"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief..."

Blink.

Todd surprises me at our wedding with a song he wrote for me. It is called "After the Rain," (seriously) and it tells the story of how he knew he was supposed to marry me one day when he prayed during a thunderstorm, and moments later it just stopped with no warning.

Blink.

My brother-in-law Greg calls, and tells me he went to play golf. He says he cried on the way home because he realized he will never play golf with his son Luke. I never mention the conversation to anyone, but the next day, Ellie draws a picture of Audrey and Luke. She says they are playing in heaven. I look closer and see something I have never seen her draw (because as far as I know, she has never heard of the game), and I ask her what they are playing. "Golf." she says, and skips out of the room...

Blink.

These moments, and millions of others, engraved in the beautiful book I am making in my head. As I drove home, the Lord spoke to me, and I want to share with you what He said, because it is not an exaggeration to say that I believe it has changed my life. Angie, sweet daughter of mine. You know, I do the same with you...every day, every hour, every moment. ..

Blink.

I was speechless as my spirit understood what He was saying to me. Not necessarily in words, audibly, but it was as if I knew something profound I had never known before, and I knew God had imparted it to me. I have choices, every second of the day, to serve my Lord. To honor Him with my speech and with my thoughts, with the way I love those around me and the way I worship Him. Every moment, there is another opportunity, and I want to use as many of them as He will allow. In fact, Scripture tells me that one day I will stand before Him, and I will (symbolically) hand the King of all Kings a tattered scrapbook of my days. It is up to me to decide what the pages will reveal. I was washing the dishes last night and thinking about what the Lord had said to me, and I heard the girls fighting. I raised my voice more than I meant to, and I thought to myself, "Wow. I don't look like myself in that one. Let me try that again." I apologized to them for my tone and let my hands drift into the hot water. Now that one felt better for me too, Lord. There are many, many pages I want to rip up and hide...maybe you do too. But that shouldn't consume me. Rather, I want to focus on the beauty of this gift that the Lord has given. It is the gift of this breath, this moment, this photograph. My offering, captured. We need not dwell on the things we wish we had done differently, nor should we even give too much thought to what the future will look like. We need not worry about the pages, but rather this very simple fact. I have this moment. Right now. And I want to make it good. I am sitting cross-legged in an old chair, pouring out my heart to you, because above every other thing I can think of, I want these words to be a beautiful photograph for the Lord I love.

Blink.

In a few minutes, I will go find my children their dresses and we will go to a cook-out with friends. As I snap their sandals and brush their hair, I will tell them how I love them and how grateful I am to be their mommy.

Blink.

Todd just came in to tell me about something he is reading and I nodded absent-mindedly as my thoughts drifted everywhere but his voice. No, I thought, I don't want it to look like that. I want to love deeply, and have him know that I care about what he cares about. I want to show him that I am here to listen, and that he matters to me.

Blink.

I met a woman who does not know about Jesus. She is broken, bruised, hurt, alone. I want to show her the way He loves her, to inspire her to let me into the places she runs from. I want to make His name known. I want my life to be lifted up to Him, offered to Him, spilled out for Him...

Blink.

"She is gone..."

Blink.

A crown of thorns, piercing his sweat-drenched brow...oh, my sweet Savior...

Blink.

You refused the bitter wine but drank deep of the cup that would not pass.

Blink.

I see you there, Lord, and I will not turn from You. Not in my joy, not in my agony, not ever. Not ever. I will remember the scars, and the gracious Love that the world could not believe...

Blink.

Oh, my Jesus...speak to us through your Word... ...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you...Philippians 4:8-9 I have always loved this verse, and I have been meditating on it for the past few days. I hope you are blessed and encouraged by it tonight... As for the photographer I mentioned? Her name is Amy, and her business is called "Images of Grace." (And no, I don't think that's a coincidence:) I came home from church on Sunday (after the message on Providence), and was trying to trust God with my fears. I opened my email and saw a message from Amy, saying that the bidding had ended. I cried and cried when I saw the amount, because it answered an unspoken prayer request that Todd and I have had for weeks (almost to the dollar!). Thank you, Rachel. You were most certainly used by the Holy Spirit, and I am still speechless, because it was a confirmation of something I have known for years, but love to be reminded of... I'm still here, Angie. Tucked away behind this trusty old camera. Now remember, you have this moment, child... That's it, turn your head a little more toward me...Do you trust me? A little more toward me...there...perfect...

Blink.

24,000 Condoms

Did I mention that I am paid to teach safe sex/sex ed? I facilitate a session called VOICES, I'll spare you the acronym. The fun fact about my work is that I get to teach people about condoms. I typically visit substance abuse centers but I also go to random small group meetings and various other places.

VOICES participants are given different types of condoms to promote condom use, so I get to order LOTS of different types of condoms. Did you know there are over 300 different ones? I picked about 24 different types this go-round. We've probably had about 50 or so different ones to give out since starting the program year before last. Each case has 1,000 so we made about 1,000 bags (each bag had one of each kind inside, along with instructions in case they weren't paying attention in class). I have had condom boxes in my office and in the side hallway all week. There are several more cases of them but I have to drop them off at our community drop off sites next week...

I have to get as many people as I can to help me because we set up assembly line style and watch movies in the conference rooms. Typically I try to rent a somewhat relevant movie but this time I didn't have a chance to run by the video store so S brough Marley and Me. Oooh, I cried!!! We all cried. It wasn't as great as I'd hoped it would be, but it was cute. I love Jennifer Aniston! We also had cupcakes, kitkats, and chips. Yum!

I'm SO thankful for everyone that came to help -- my regulars, S and A, then J, E, K, and another J towards the end. Thanks everyone!!

Chicken Little?

We've all heard the phrase, "the sky is falling, the sky is falling," but today I heard, "my hair is falling, my hair is falling!" I couldn't help myself... I'm still laughing!!! See, a couple months ago, I had a lesson on black hair. And I learned a lot!


My friend from work, K, changes her hair almost daily. But she's trying to give her hair a break so she had some other hair braided in (I am almost sure that's the correct way to explain the way her hair looks).... so she has micro braids (right?).


This morning she was in my office to pull up a video from American Idol last night. We were just discussing the fact that "Lil Round's" real name is Lilian Round and so she goes by "Lil Round" as a double name like "Mary Beth."


It was then when I heard, "my hair is falling, my hair is falling." I suppose I should offer a bit more background as to why this was as hilarious as it was... when I saw her hair this way on Monday we had a lengthy converation about how expensive it was, how much time it took, and then of course, the fact that I sorta wanted to cut one off. (Don't ask, they are braided really tightly and look sorta like velcro the way they're braided, sorry for the velcro analogy K!) She of course flipped out that I would want to cut them, but I was sure to specify that I'd only want to cut them off if they were on my head. Secretly, I sorta wanted to cut one off though. It just looks like they'd stick back on (I really do know that they wouldn't).


As it turned out the entire braid had come unbraided and so it wasn't just a few pieces of hair as we'd previously thought... I tried to help but wasn't allowed. I don't braid the right way. Hmmm.... I'm sensing a little hair snob here.


I only wish I could figure out a way to get pictures off of my phone because it really is priceless.

Some random things...

I realize I've been completely random this week. Maybe my personality is more random than I knew...

1) It really bothers me when dogs' collars are upside down. REALLY bothers me. The label (or image) should be read (or seen) clearly if you were beside or in front of your dog. Not if you were looking at your dog from it's back. Item in question: (the cows are upside down)

2) Gum drives me crazy. I rarely tell people that though because I know a lot of folks like it. It's okay with me if you like it. I think it's icky. I also don't like it when people talk with food in their mouths. Drives me crazy. I'm just confessing things now... that's still random. Which makes it relevant for today.

3) It's been impossible to work in my office this week because one of the office's beside mine is really cold all of the time so buildings and grounds has been here all week in the ceiling playing with pipes. I can hear them talking. I almost want to take notes in case they say something interesting. I've resisted that urge so far...

4) When I stepped out of my office to chat this morning (due to the ceiling crawlers overtaking a corner with their giant ladder), then returned, I'd been at my desk for about a half hour before noticing that someone put a sharps container on my desk. I have thought it was strange until just now when, as I'm typing this, I realize that the ceiling crawlers must have moved it from on top of my cabinet to my desk so they wouldn't knock it over. Good move guys... except now I feel like an idiot for not realizing it was my own sharps container... nice freak out moment. At least it's empty. And actually, now that they make retractable, disposable finger pricker needles I don't even use the thing... but I digress. Wait! Should I mention that I use them for doing rapid HIV tests on people? That's why it's disturbing... sharps containers are no fun.

5) I don't have to work tonight and I have SO many things I want to do!!!

• Choose fabric for the quilt I'm making attempting to make.
• Finish catching up on Bible study.
• Go to the bookstore to buy Riven that my friend Kalaya insists I read.
• Clean the house from the dirtiness I brought back from the mountains.
• Stop by other work to pick out my free, defective item of the month (gear returns).
• Sew something. (Anything.)
• Make homemade bread. (I blame Jess for this...)
• Run. (I don't really want to do this though.)

6) I'm addicted to Etsy. Seriously. Somebody needs to stop me. I can't stay off. I don't even remember how I found Etsy. I almost regret finding it. I bookmarked it months ago and when I was cleaning out my links list I saw it, visited, and pretty much made it a daily habit. (HABIT!) HELP. (I'm not actually sure I am ready for help just yet... I still like it. But it will soon become a serious addiction that overtakes my life. When I get to that point, then help...but I'll let you know when I'm there. Til then, just watch me crumble under the pressure...)

I better stop while I'm ahead.

Happy Friday Peeps!

You define it:

Elastic gully.

I haven't done it yet, but I'm going to...

I know I said I wouldn't. But I'm going to. I decided after seeing L in medium that I did, in fact, need the small. I'll spare you all the long, somewhat confusing, had-to-be-there-to-fully-appreciate-the-humor-story, and leave you with: I'm going to make the exchange at lunch today. Oh, and the sizes are different in this line. I could have worn a medium in the line L's is from... actually, it's supposed to be the same but there are obvious style differences. Regardless...

Sidebar... last night at work we had 5 girls working. Yes, that's right. Five girls in the outdoor shop. We loved that! It was so much fun that C decided to stay and hang awhile despite having to drive over an hour to get home and A forgot to leave so she stayed an extra 15 minutes. Before she left though, since size was an issue after the "exchange" situation, I decided to prove that I have a bubbly bottom. Uhuh... it was all sorts of comedic fun. A and I put on Smartwool long undies (in micoweight have you...) and pranced around the store (don't worry, not many people were there all night) so that K and L could see that I did indeed have a bubbly behind. This is what it took for them to see that it was true. Maybe that's a good thing since I don't normally parade around in tights.

And in case Pedro happens to stumble across this blog one day and see this, we (L) cleaned the entire front counter area. Took the glass off of the counter, sprayed canned air, wiped down the pictures.... it is all sorts of clean up there now! And since the glass was lifted, I took the liberty of moving Nola's dogobie pictures from the bottom of the corkboard, where only kids see her, to the top under the glass for all to see her cute self.

Have I mentioned how much I love my new blog header?! It couldn't be any cuter!!!

It's Friday people, let's celebrate!