Last week, I shared my thoughts on faith and where I am in that walk. Yesterday, I wanted to take it back - all of it. The more I thought about it, the more uncertain I became about where I am - but God had other plans.
See, I had a phone interview for a great job - really great job - everything went well, good dialogue, conversation flowed well, my answers to questions were right on, things seemed great. I called to follow up the next week and they were waiting to find out the funding allocated to the particular project. I started to think it wasn't good news, but decided it didn't matter. It was a technical writing position and I've really not done that in a while so I probably don't have the more recent experience they were looking for - it's okay, there are other things out there. I guess I wasn't as prepared as I thought - I got an email from the recruiter and she'd just heard that I didn't get the position. Disappointed doesn't even sum it up. I have been looking at jobs in VA since November, really looking since January.
VA doesn't acknowledge health education as a profession outside of nursing and to top it off my national credential (CHES) means nothing to the state. It has been extremely frustrating. We close on the house April 23rd. FIVE weeks away. And I have no job. No job leads. Nothing. My degree is useless in VA, which means I'll be falling back on my communication degree. Good thing I have a couple of those things to work with! (And yes, I know my blog writing isn't always correct...I overuse commas, I add unnecessary words, I begin sentences with 'and,' I end them with prepositions, and I probably do a lot of other things wrong too.)
That news came as I started to feel yuck - went to the doctor and got some Rx. Overall just a yuck day. Thinking about jobs in VA makes me want to cry. At night, I look through dozens of sites hoping to find something to follow up on for a job. Nothing seems to fit my background and I sometimes just sit there staring at the screen hoping that something new will pop up if I refresh the page. I really need a job. I'd really like to have one in the next month so I can get married and actually LIVE with the person I'm marrying.
Totally frustrated and in the dump, I was gently reminded that I'm not in control and that just because I don't know the plan, doesn't mean there isn't one. One of the girls in Bible Study shared a story...
"The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied."
Ok, I hear You loud and clear, roger that God. My world may not be crashing, but there are certainly days where I feel like I'm so frustrated that it may as well be... Later in the day I was at work and a customer that I haven't seen in a while came in, we chatted about me moving and the job situation and both of them separately said that He always works things out and we are just pieces in the plan. As if the story wasn't enough!
Today, I've spent the afternoon on the couch. My head has felt like it could explode at any minute and the neti pot has become a fast friend, but I've been on the job hunt again and trying to think creatively. Naturally, it's been frustrating at best. Then, I got an email with a picture of Jesus that said this:
"I HAD AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR THIS MORNING. HE ARRIVED EARLY, SAT DOWN WITH ME AND CHATTED FOR A WHILE ABOUT HOW THINGS WERE CURRENTLY GOING FOR ME IN MY LIFE. AFTER VERY CAREFULLY AND COMPASSIONATELY LISTENING TO ALL THAT I HAD TO SAY, HE SAW THE STRESS ON MY FACE AND THE TEARS IN MY EYES.
HE STOOD UP, WALKED OVER TO ME, LEANED OVER AND GENTLY HELD ME FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A REALLY BAD MORNING. THEN, AFTER REASSURING ME NOT TO WORRY, THAT EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT FOR ME AND BE JUST FINE..."
It was a forward and I got it last week as well, but deleted it. Oops. I got it, I got it... Loud and clear. Some may say all of this is pure coincidence, but I know better. When the stakes are high, bow down low. Oh and low I've been...
This faith thing isn't easy. In fact, it's a little rough. I'm learning - and I'm holding on to the fact that I don't know what will happen - ever, for that matter - but things will be okay. I've changed my prayers and am working on patience, acceptance, and strength.
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